The Jokes thread

Post by **gm_al** » Fri Feb 07, 2003 10:57 pm

Let us guess together what the 'T' in TBert stands for.

'Trooper Bert' maybe ?

Strider · Post by **Strider** » Fri Feb 07, 2003 11:05 pm

I like Tired Bert better. The man took the sleeper strategy to a whole new level in WOK 4.

Post by **gm_al** » Sat Feb 08, 2003 10:42 am

Two more possibilities:

T-Bert like T-Rex, so its Tyrannosaurus Bert

or

from the Terminator movies, T-800, T-1000 etc. and well, T-Bert.

'He'll be back.'

Post by **Count Henri** » Sun Feb 09, 2003 6:48 am

Hmmm as in : "Thunder Berts are GO!" ?

Polymorphic · Post by **Polymorphic** » Sun Feb 09, 2003 4:34 pm

Teddy Bert perhaps?

Post by **Duke** » Mon Feb 10, 2003 6:42 am

Hey, hey, hey!!

*Swings around at everyone near*

First of all. We've been over this. It is pronounced Tbert, in one word as opposed to T-bert.

Second, you dont ask what the T stands for. Would you ask Mr.T from the A-team what his T stand for? NO, since he would whack you upside the head. Same rules apply here.

Grave Maker · Post by **Grave Maker** » Mon Feb 10, 2003 3:08 pm

Baron and all:

The best I can post is a link to the 'Terrible' Terry Tate site.

Baron, one of these has a spoof on the Nike naked soccer fan commercial.

http://www.terrytate.reebok.com/

Grave Maker

Post by **ThinKing** » Mon Feb 10, 2003 3:23 pm

Duke wrote:Second, you dont ask what the T stands for. Would you ask Mr.T from the A-team what his T stand for? NO, since he would whack you upside the head. Same rules apply here.

You aint guessing ma name, dangnabbit foo.

I heard the T actually stands for "Thompson".

Apparently "Mr Thompson" just wasnt a scary enough name...

TK (where the T stands for Thin)

Polymorphic · Post by **Polymorphic** » Mon Feb 10, 2003 8:12 pm

I had a PE teacher called Mr Thompson once...

...he wasn't scary either.

Lord Fredo · Post by **Lord Fredo** » Thu Feb 13, 2003 1:37 pm

A British doctor says, "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a brain out of one man, put it in another and have him looking for work in six weeks."
A German doctor says, "That's nothing, we can take a brain out of one person, put it in another and have him preparing for war in four weeks."
The American doctor, not to be outdone, says, "You guys are way behind, we just took a man with no brain from Texas, put him in the White House, and now half the country is looking for work, and the other half is preparing for war."

And further along the lines of medicine and old story comes to mind.

A Swedish, a Finish and a Norwegian doctor were talking along the same lines as above.
First the Fin said, "We had a man working at a car factory who got his arms caught in the machinery at work and got both arms destroyed beyond repair. So what we did was to get two udders and from that made two new hands and from that patched together two new arms that we attached to his body. Now he's back and working more efficient then ever making 10 people unemployed."
So then the Norwegian said, "Well that's nothing. We had a man who had gotten his head smashed in a car accident so what we did was that we took a cauliflower and made a brain out of it and from this we patched together a head using gooseberries for eyes and attached it to the body. Now he's working as an engineer making 100 people unemployed."
With both the others looking at him wondering how he could possibly top this the Swede said, "So you think you're advanced? What we did was that we found a fart, then we patched together a new arse around it from which we worked on and cloned together a hole new person. Now he's working as the prime minister and is making the hole country unemployed."

Saladin · Post by **Saladin** » Thu Feb 13, 2003 1:51 pm

Saddam Hussein phoned President Bush and said, "George, I called you because
I had this incredible dream last night. I could see all of America, and it
was beautiful and on top of every building, there was a beautiful banner."
Bush asked, "What was on the banner?" Saddam responded, "It said Allah is
God, and God is Allah."
Bush said, "You know, Saddam, I'm really glad you called, because last night
I had a dream too. I could see all of Baghdad, and it was even more
beautiful than before the war. It had been completely rebuilt, and on every
building there was also a beautiful banner." Saddam said, "What was on the
banner?" Bush replied, "I really don't know. I don't read Hebrew."

Saladin · Post by **Saladin** » Thu Feb 13, 2003 1:52 pm

ANGERED BY SNUBBING, LIBYA, CHINA
SYRIA FORM AXIS OF JUST AS EVIL..
Cuba, Sudan, Serbia Form Axis of Somewhat Evil; Other
Nations Start Own Clubs

Beijing — Bitter after being snubbed for membership in
the "Axis of Evil," Libya, China, and Syria today announced
they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil," which they said
would be way eviler than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea
axis President Bush warned of his State of the Union
address.

Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the
new axis as having, for starters, a really dumb
name. "Right. They are Just as Evil... in their dreams!"
declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. "Everybody knows
we're the best evils... best at being evil... we're the
best."

Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being
excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could
join the Axis of Evil.

"They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-
Assad.

"An Axis can't have more than three countries," explained
Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's
tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy, and
Japan in the evil Axis. So you can only have three. And a
secret handshake. Ours is wicked cool."

THE AXIS PANDEMIC

International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration
was swift, as within minutes, France surrendered.

Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain
triumvirate status in what became a game of geopolitical
chairs. Cuba, Sudan, and Serbia said they had formed the
Axis of Somewhat Evil, forcing Somalia to join with Uganda
and Myanmar in the Axis of Occasionally Evil, while
Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the Axis of Not
So Much Evil Really As Just Generally Disagreeable.

With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable
clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda
applied to be called the Axis of Countries That Aren't the
Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host the Olympics;
Canada, Mexico, and Australia formed the Axis of Nations
That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Nasty
Thoughts About America, while Spain, Scotland, and New
Zealand established the Axis of Countries That Sometimes
Ask Sheep to Wear Lipstick.

"That's not a threat, really, just something we like to
do," said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.

While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't
perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval
for most axes, although he rejected the establishment of
the Axis of Countries Whose Names End in "Guay," accusing
one of its members of filing a false application. Officials
from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.

Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any
Axis, but privately, world leaders said that's only because
no one asked them.

Post by **trewqh** » Thu Feb 13, 2003 3:28 pm

That was hilarious, Saladin!

Strider · Post by **Strider** » Thu Feb 13, 2003 8:21 pm

The funniest comic I've seen in a while:
http://www.salon.com/comics/tomo/2003/0 ... index.html

Post by **Count Henri** » Fri Feb 14, 2003 12:30 am

Errr Saladin didnt you steal that from The Onion?

SmashFace · Post by **SmashFace** » Fri Feb 14, 2003 1:07 am

WOOO! Onion readers, I got the valentines day edition today, wow what a great newspaper!

Post by **Count Henri** » Fri Feb 14, 2003 4:34 am

Hmmm my favourite Onion piece is still the "Hijackers suprised to find themselves in Hell." one...

Saladin · Post by **Saladin** » Fri Feb 14, 2003 1:42 pm

Yeah, an avid Onion reader.

Like i could make it up myself.

I like this part from earlier this week...it simply is so so true!

----------

Saddam Enrages Bush With Full Compliance
WASHINGTON, DC—President Bush expressed frustration and anger Monday over a U.N. report stating that Iraqi president Saddam Hussein is now fully complying with weapons inspections. "Enough is enough," a determined Bush told reporters. "We are not fooled by Saddam's devious attempts to sway world opinion by doing everything the U.N. asked him to do. We will not be intimidated into backing down and, if we have any say in the matter, neither will Saddam." Bush added that any further Iraqi attempt to meet the demands of the U.N. or U.S. will be regarded as "an act of war."

[/b]