The Worlds of Kaomaris

It is a misty morn as the leading longboat breasts the choppy sea towards the shore. Lord Hannibal stands in the prow, gazing forward.

He turns to his trusty spymaster. "Now, you're sure these lands of Kaomaris are a soft touch for our brave marauding heroes?"

"Yes, Sire, even they will find only resistance they can quell."

"And we've chosen the softest spot on their coast?"

"Yes, Sire, this part of Kaomaris is known as Ecrivian's Land, and there is no softer spot to choose for a thousand miles in either direction."

"OK, let's risk it. All boats to that sandy bit at the edge of the sea!"


The flotilla of boats cuts through the morning mist towards the shore, a terrifying sight (the boats, not the shore, though opinion IS divided on that.....)

Suddenly, Lord Hannibal sees something. Another fleet of longboats already on the shore, men already disembarking. "Ahay", he essays gamely. "Ahoy" comes the reply. "Nitpicker," Lord H. mumbles to himself. "Are you Ecrivian troops fleeing your land?"

"Er, nope, we're with Lord Validon, come to sack and pillage hereabouts."

"But, but,", splutters Lord Hannibal, "that's OUR job. We booked in advance. Go sack some place else."

Lord Validon himself intervenes. "Look, this continent seems to be such a soft touch, that we could SHARE the spoils. After all, your troops look as though they could do with a decent ally......".

There's a commotion from the back of Lord Hannibal's fleet.

"Sire, Sire, there's another fleet trying to land here. They say we're in their way and would we kindly step or float aside so that they can land and get on with their sacking and pillaging."

"This is ridiculous!", cries Hannibal. I thought Ecrivian's weakness was a closely-guarded secret!"

"Apparently not, Sire. Apparently there's a queing system to take him on, and we've elbowed in......"

"Who is in charge of this new fleet?", cry Hannibal and Validon in unison.

"Someone called Lord Mullog, Sires" says the Beach-co-ordinator, "and he craves a lot of things, and one of them is pillage, and another of them is audience."

The three Lords sit on the beach together. "I've got a great idea", says Lord Hannibal, "Two of us go home back to where life and victory are hard, thus leaving the way clear for one of us to achieve easy victories here!".

"No," says, Lord Mullog, "Far fairer would be that we ALL go home, no built-in advantage to any of us."

An hour goes by before Lord Validon suddenly thinks of an alternative: "Hey, we could join forces, and ALL take this land by storm!".

The other two Lords take another hour to try to understand this concept (you know how it is when someone comes up with an idea different from yours......ask Al).

"OK,", pronounces Lord Mullog, "I get it. We'll do it! But what should we call ourselves?"

Lord Hannibal frowns in concentration. "Got it! 'The horned-helmety-ones'!"

"Doesn't roll off the tongue", says Lord Validon.

"OK, OK, 'The Vulkings', says Lord Hannibal. "It reminds me of something......And it's a very neat encapsulation of our three names - Val....and Mull....and the 'H' is for Hannibal".

"Er, but there's no H in Vulkings?".

"Bloody nitpickers!"




SO :

Clan leader and Warrior: Validon

Clan Minstrel, Fool and Strategist : Hannibal

Clan Architect and Designer-of-helmets : Mullog

Clan Elder and Referee : Trewqh

Watch out Brotherhood of Vayuna, Scholars, Kaomarian Guard, Thuggee,
The First Family, Balance of Time, Valn Ohtar, Square of 144, Disciples of WOK !!

Lovely!

See you around Vulkings. Good luck!


~korexus.

Bah, another AS/VO offshoot. It's great to see clans like TFF/TKG/etc do well, but it sure does get frustrating. Maybe it really is time to let AS/VO die like all the other founding clans have- so much for tradition eh?

I will say that the good clans all come from starting with AS/VO.

Now is the time to join the Family Nick......

The question is, "Can you work with TK?"

AF

If we get too big we can slplit it via:

The East Family and The West Family.

Great, so AS/VO fulfilled that whole "give beginners a new home and make them stick" goal which was the original clan ideal, after all. Now, if we could only win the "kick all the other clan's @sses and win the clan champs title", I could retire in peace.

Dameon wrote:Now, if we could only win the "kick all the other clan's @sses and win the clan champs title", I could retire in peace.

If you would join the Family then you have a good shot at doing just that.

Allister, I did think of joining TFF at one point. Then, you recruited TK. Sorry. Anyway I like what AS/VO does for new players, so I'd like to keep that up. Even if it does mean I get dissapointed every six months or so.

I need a webpage from you guys in order to add you to the Clan Page. Right now you're just a name on a page...

Donut

Ah, that's Rune's job. So if you'll all just let him close down WOK Species for a few hours........Give it a few weeks, Do, after his hol.

Dameon wrote:Then, you recruited TK.

One more for the good guys!

Now how about that Pizza?

Hannibal wrote: "Yes, Sire, this part of Kaomaris is known as Ecrivian's Land, and there is no softer spot to choose for a thousand miles in either direction."

Watch out!!!!

OUCH that hurts..... I'll TAKE YOU ALL ON, and I don't even need my clan to kick all your little butts back to the beachhead! Arrr be me maties this means WARRRRRRRRRRRR!

Ecrivian stomps back to the headquarters located just inland of the invading mauraders and looks at his tired and docile generals.

"Wipe that grin off your face soldier," shouts Ecrivian as his eye slightly twitches. "Sir, yes sir," replies the officer. "Better," continues Ecrivian, "men we're under attack, they think we're soft, we must show them that we're not! Bring me two of our fastest messengers promptly and bring a transcriptionist immediately!" Within minutes Ecrivian has dispatched messages to faithful allies which he has fought alongside before on bloody battlefied after bloody corpse strewn battlefield.

Ecrivian requests his personal messenger, Flavie, and asks for three of his generals to prepare to address their respective troops. Ecrivian addresses the Generals, "Have your men make entrenchments, we've a battle on our hands and we're going to have to throw these invaders back into the sea and never let them breach the beach. I will have supportive artillery shortly, please let these entrenchments be well protected yet defensible should the occassion call for it. These entrenchments should be done by morning no matter the cost, if you need more men, or should we need to raise pay to increase production so be it, I will provide it, but be sure to make the defense works unbreachable and imposing, build the ramparts to match the sky if you need to. Now go, before all daylight has been lost, also one last thing, have your men light extra fires to make the invaders think we've more than we actually do."

Ecrivian turns to Flavie, "Fetch me Glavius. Its time for his skills.... and tell him that if he wants to make "sweet love" he had better do it now whilst he still has the strength."

I know Dameon, relaunch AS/VO are Breathern Heathern, that means you will have almost a quarter of the alphabet sorted

Well done, Ec, for taking it in good spirit and replying in kind!! Excellent stuff.

I HAD been going to mail you and ask you not to be offended - but I see I don't need to. In-jokes have to be at the expense of someone, and what other name could I have put in here that would have meant the right thing to readers? - And I've seen you poke fun at your own record, so knew you'd be OK with it really!

In fact, I read somewhere how incredibly unlucky you'd been in turn one fighting in a game recently (against Donut?), just luck, yet again. So it's only fun, right?

Ecrivian wrote:
build the ramparts to match the sky if you need to. Now go, before all daylight has been lost, also one last thing, have your men light extra fires to make the invaders think we've more than we actually do."

Lord Hannibal is in his royal tent on the beach. His musings on why sandwiches have to have so much sand in them, are interrupted by his loyal thain, Badbreath The Terrible, bursting into the Royal Tent and gabbling incoherently.

"Not so fast, BB," says Lord Hannibal, "nor so close either. More news from the back? Yet another fleet wanting space on the beach?".

"No, Sire, news from the FRONT this time!"

"Well, man, spit it out!" says Hannibal, "No! I didn't mean literally, you dolt. Clean that up, and tell me the news; I'm holding my breath."

"Well, Sire, these Ecrivites are strange folk, with strange tactics......"

Lord Hannibal looks worried. "Spit... er, I mean, do go on, BB.....".

"Well, last night, in double-quick time, they built these HUGE ramparts reaching into the sky. The lads were impressed and a bit worried......."

"And?", demands Hannibal impatiently.

"Well, Sire, during the night........."

"Yes?"

".........they seem to have then, er, set fire to them !!"

Over to you, Ec!

Ecrivian wrote: Bring me two of our fastest messengers promptly and bring a transcriptionist immediately!" Within minutes Ecrivian has dispatched messages to faithful allies which he has fought alongside before on bloody battlefied after bloody corpse strewn battlefield.

Lord Hannibal is in his royal tent on the beach. The latest Royal Spymaster, Guesswok, slits an opening in the back of the tent and enters.

Lord Hannibal frowns at him."GW, why can't you use the tent entrance, like everyone else?!"

"Sorry, Sire, habit and training, training and habit, the 4 watchwords of the spying profession"

"Hmm, the fact that you can't count explains a lot about my recent spy reports......", remarks Lord Hannibal. "Well?"

"Sire, we have Intelligence!"

"Highly debatable," mutters Hannibal, "I've seen no evidence of it so far. But come on, man, spit......no, I mean, tell me the "Intelligence", whilst ejecting as little of your bodily fluids as possible."

"Sire, we intercepted one of Ecrivian's messengers!"

"Brilliant! You mean our fleet-footed counter-spies ran them down after a high-speed chase?"

"No, Sire, in fact some foot-soldiers out on a stroll overtook the messenger..........and heard him cursing his steed in Ecrivian, so got suspicious. Apparently the steed was something called a 'Dameon's Grey Donkey', and it wasn't moving as fast as he wanted it to......."

"And? You captured Lord Ecrivian's messages!?"

"Better than that, Sire, the messenger was on his way BACK, so we got his message, AND we got the replies!!"

"Aha! That will reveal not only Lord Ecrivian's cunning defensive plans, but also how and when his allies will be coming to his aid, with all the tactical details revealed to us!".

"Erm, not exactly, Sire......Lord Ecrivian's message to his allies simply read: 'Help!'. And the replies from his various clanmates and allies read:
'Busy elsewhere at the moment'
'You're on your own'
'Best of luck'
'Sorry, busy in a private room'
'Give'em hell'
'I'd love to help, but you know how it is'
'Why are you using those slow donkeys?'
'Er, I'm with THEM'
'I'm considering my options'
'I'm afraid I'm napped with whoever it is you're facing'
'With your luck, my armies would get massacred'
and
'Who did you say you were again?'

So I don't think he'll be getting much aid from his allies......."

Something tells me that Lord H may be a Terry Pratchett fan ...

Han, for a continuance..... I will be setting up a page for this.... in fact its already there, just need to put the story on it which I will sometime this weekend probably.

I'll private message you the website for our "story."

Ec

520 #90 Ecrivian´s Black Monkey is now extinct! It died from starvation!

It looks like he can't even keep his SMART monkeys alive. so they won't be able to help him in this battle either.

Unfortunately, I'm not far behind him. 6 specimen left. I am going to get swim and move to water.... I just hope that there are body size 1 plants in there, otherwise I'm screwed.

Donut