The WOK Messenger - Issue 6

Its all WOK here.

Moderators: Duke, trewqh, korexus, Egbert

Post Reply
User avatar
Posts: 1699
Joined: Wed Sep 04, 2002 7:00 am
Location: Sweden, Valn Ohtar

The WOK Messenger - Issue 6

Post by Duke » Tue Aug 28, 2007 6:20 pm

eThe WOK Messengerf

December 2001 Sixth Issue

“Come with me, and you'll be
In a world of pure imagination.
Take a look, and you'll see
Into your imagination.

We'll begin, with a spin,
Trav'ling in the world of [Al’s] creation.
What we'll see, will defy

---Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka,
“Pure Imagination”

A Message from the Editor

Ho! Ho! Ho! I have lots of goodies in this issue for all you good boys and girls! Yes, even Dameon! It is good to see WOK growing strong, with new players appearing every week. It is even better to see that the old faces are still making major contributions, and steering the ship, wherever it may lead. It is nice to see that with the addition of the WOK4 vice-champs, so many players have gotten invitations to play in a very prominent, and very fun, game. I hope you enjoy unwrapping this issue of The Messenger --- we’ll have an inside look at 3 of the loveliest elves in Kaomaris (Duke just woke up), the usual wit and wisdom, and some special surprises. Happy Holidays to all.


Tips and Tricks
By: Calidus

“Where shall I begin, please your Majesty?” he asked.
“Begin at the beginning,” the King said, gravely, “and go on
till you come to the end: then stop.”

---Lewis Carroll, “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland”

General WOK4 Tips

These are just a few things to think about for the new players in WOK that may be still sitting around waiting for that waitlist to finally get underway. This is NOT a full comprehensive guide to make you successful, but it can at least give you a head start. I would highly recommend that you talk to the advanced players in your Clan for further advice. ;-)

As you start your first WOK 4 game, some of the things you might want to think over are: who you need to make Non-Aggression Pacts (NAPs) with, what provinces you want to take on the first turn, how many transformations you want to make, what aims you are going to set, and who you are going to spy on. These things will at least get your battle plans on the right track.

Diplomacy plays a vital role in EVERY game that you will play in WOK, whether WOK 4 or WOK 5. You should try to work out short-term NAPs with all of the players that are near you, that way you can get yourself off to a good start, without tripping over your neighbors. Now, there are times when the OoP will be in your favor and you might want to attack a nearby player on turn 1. This is always an option too. You DON’T have to make NAPs with everyone, it will just depend on what you want to accomplish in the later stages of the game. Once you make a NAP with a player, stick to it, otherwise, you will earn a reputation for being untrustworthy, and players will hunt you down first in the games you play. ;)

Pick the provinces that you would like to take on turn 1. It is usually better if you keep all of your initial armies together when you attack. The defender has the upper hand here, but by keeping ALL of your first armies together, you stand a better chance that you will be successful with your first round of attacks. Sometimes luck will be against you, and you will only take two of those three provinces that you were eyeing, but that’s all part of the game that you will have to live with. Remember, there is strength in numbers.

When you transform your first set of armies or workers, it is VERY advisable to transform the maximum number of armies. Most or all of your opponents will, and you will be hard pressed if you have to fight off a neighboring player if you don’t have the maximum number. Put them all together, as the neutrals will get stronger and stronger as the game goes. Also, it is ALWAYS a good idea to at least transform one set of armies in your home province. That way, if you do run into some bad luck and get beat badly by the neutrals, or if one of your neighbors sneaks in and takes out some of your hard-earned provinces, you will at least have a small force to work with on turn two. (Isn’t that right, Lord Carlow?)

If you move all of your POP and WOK into one or two main provinces, they will be easier to defend. That way, your enemies are not able to take them away a piece at a time You should also move all of those armies that you just made into one province. Like I said before, there is strength in numbers. Plus, you don’t want to be left behind as the rest of the players build large empires.

Each player has to decide what AIMs will benefit his/her battle plans the most. Missiles are ALWAYS a good investment, as they will soften up your opposition before the attack, whether it is a player, or that neutral that has built DEF for 10 turns. ;-) Ask some of the older players which are best at which times of the game.

Spying can really make or break you in a game. Not only does it let you know where your enemies have placed all of his/her high-level troops, it will provide you with a nice EFF bonus when the spies are successful. On top of the added bonus for your EFF, a successful spy effort also LOWERS your enemies EFF by a couple of points. Using spies in this manner can be devastating if you combine your efforts with some of your “friends” in the game.

There are a lot of things to think about and it is easy to overlook one or two a turn if you aren’t careful. Paying close attention to your planning, and to what the people that are playing around you are doing, will get you moving towards your first win. Good Luck! Enjoy!


Another Meeting of the WOK Council

By: The Duke

“One sees great things from the valley;
Only small things from the peak.”

--- G.K. Chesterton, “The Hammer of God”

This time we will go inside the councilmembers’ heads and see what they are actually thinking!
(I know that some of you have waited a long time for this.)

It works like this:

The things that they are actually saying are written like this.
The things that they are thinking are written like this.

The Council is meeting over the WOK Chat this time.

Al "Order people. The topic of this meeting is to discuss a system of A and B teams within each of the clans.”
Al "Oh my god. I have unleashed the monster. This will be an all-nighter."

Nick "The pro's of it would be that we could have A and B groups and that the clans could hold twice the amount of members. The con's would be to figure out a good VP system for it. No one would want to play A groups since they would be harder to win."
Nick "How am I going to turn this to my advantage?"

Ben "Twice the amount of members in a clan means twice the amount of work. I say that the divisional system would be far better than this."
Ben "Nick will probably try to turn this to his advantage."

Mojie "They fight and bite, they fight and fight and bite, fight fight fight, bite bite bite, The Itchy & Scratchy Show! "

Egbert "I can't say that I am totally against it but I have to go with Ben on this one. The divisional system would be better than this."
Egbert "I am pretty sure that the Weather Channel sends out coded messages to agents. If I only could figure out how."

Nick "On second thought, I am against it. The divisional system is far better.”
Nick "I can't turn this to my advantage."

Ben "Listen carefully now because you won’t hear this too often. I agree with Nick.”
Ben "dangnabbit it! I promised that I would never say those words."

Wayne "I suggested it only as an alternative to the divisional system. I didn't say that I had thought it over and that it was a better system. At least give it a thought before you trash it."
Wayne "They are like Dodger fans! Leaving in the seventh inning. If they only could finish something. Anything!"

Mojie "I wonder what is on TV right now? Even BBC cant be more boring than this stuff."

Ingrid "I dont think that it is all that bad Wayne. In some ways it is even better than the divisional system."
Ingrid "(Since I dont have a clue about what women think, I can’t come up with anything here)"

Nick "Not that bad? We would have 20 members per clan and we would be divided into A and B teams. You don’t see a possibility of irritation within the clans there?"
Nick "I have to stop this right now."

Al "Settle down all of you. We will decide this by vote."
Al "I am way too tired to listen to those two fighting."

Nick ”A vote already? Shouldn’t we list all the pro’s and con’s first so that people know what they are voting on?”
Nick ”dangnabbit it! I am losing it!”

John ”You always have to list everything. Now vote and then go out and get a life!”
John ”Ha ha, he is losing this and he knows it.”

Nick ”A life? Cool! Where could I download one of those from?”
Nick ”Oh what the heck. Why even bother?”

John ”At least you won’t have any possibility to mail everyone and screw with their minds before the vote.”
John ”Why isn’t anyone backing me up?”

Nick ”I am sending honest facts in those mails, and for your information, those mails are packaged by intellectual weight, not volume. Some settling of contents may have occurred during transmission. That may be why you feel that I am trying to screw with their minds.”
Nick “He won’t even get the joke.”

John “What? Packaged?”
John “He is doing it again! Screwing with our minds!”

Nick “It was a joke John. You know that he who laughs last is at 300 baud.”
Nick “I knew he wouldn’t get it.”

Al “We will vote. Everyone, please vote for either the divisional system or the A and B team system.”
Al “I knew it. An all-nighter.”

Nick “What? So we are actually deciding the system here?”
Nick “This is getting worse.”

Al “No. We are deciding which one we should continue to investigate.”
Al “Let’s have the vote already.”

John “Nick. Let it go. You are not teaching a class here, you are more like part of one.”

Mojie “Is it chemistry you teach?”
Mojie “Hope it is. I have a good one coming up.”

Nick “Yes”
Nick “Good. Change the subject.”

Mojie “I once learned a way to separate chemistry, physics and biology. Want to hear it?”
Mojie “Here it goes.”

Nick “Sure.”

Mojie “If it stinks, it's chemistry; if it's green or it wiggles, it's biology; and if it doesn't work, it's physics.”

Al “Oh for the love of… could we vote!!??”
Al “Why am I hearing the theme from The Neverending Story inside my head?”

Egbert “If the Earth is the size of a pea in New York, then the Sun is a beachball 50m away, Pluto is 4km away, and the next nearest star is in Tokyo. Now shrink Pluto's orbit into a coffee cup, then our Milky Way Galaxy fills North America. “
Egbert “Courtesy from the Unnecessary News department.”

Fredo “LOL. What about this one: On the sixth day, God created the platypus. And God said: let's see the evolutionists try and figure this one out.”
Fredo “Finally some fun!”

Mojie “LOL good one. Check this one out: The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not "Eureka!" but "That's funny..."
Mojie “Hopefully we will never return to the boring vote.”

Al “The vote? Anyone?”

Mojie “I’ve seen the DOS version from southern U.S : Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)”

Egbert “LOL, Shell to DOS...Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS...”

Nick “Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?”

Al “Nice to see that some things never change. Well, nothing was decided this time either. I give up.”


An Encounter with Queen Pea

The first of our 3 elves is Al’s “better half,” and the woman who has been in WOK the longest.

1. Where are you from, what are your interests, are you interested in other types of games, and why?

I’m from Vienna, Austria, born here and lived here ever since my birth.
My hobbies are: reading english books, painting, shopping :-)), talking to my girlfriends on the phone,languages, travelling, meeting friends, my pets etc..
I like board games very much - because you can meet friends and have a nice evening… although I must admit I don’t like to lose...

2. What is your educational background? What is your work/business background?

Just finished university with a masters in commerce. Right now I’m looking for a job.

3. How did you come to WOK? Did you meet Al as a result of WOK, or vice versa? What's it like being married to the King of WOK?

Actually through Al (we knew each other before he created WOK 4 and 5).
Being married to him is...
- getting used to sharing him with the computer :-))))
- and above all wonderful.

4. Did you introduce anyone to WOK? Do you plan on becoming a GM one day?

I’m trying to convince some friends of mine to join WOK. And NO, I’ll never become a GM.

5. Are you pleased with the way WOK has evolved? Where do you see it going? Where would you like it to go?

OH YES - I love watching how it grows. And I think it will continue to grow - thanks to you (all players and GMs) and of course to Al ;-))

6. How would you describe yourself as an individual? How would you describe yourself as a player?

As an individual – I’m patient, communicative, thrifty, friendly and warm-hearted.
As a player - not that patient. :-)

7. How do you feel about being one of the only females in WOK? Do fellow players treat you any differently because of this? Do you think there is any type of gender bias in WOK?

I think it’s a pity that so few girls are playing WOK – it’s fun to play WOK but most other girls I know are not interested in playing (war)games on the internet.
And I don’t think that there is a gender bias around here.
Some men do think that women cannot compete with them - but as TombRaider and Dyana show, women can compete.

8. Why "Queen Pea"? Didn't you start out as "Princess Pea"? Why are you now a mercenary? What affiliations did you have before that, and why did you leave?

Right, I was starting as Princess Pea - that comes from the German "Prinzessin auf der Erbse" (which Al and I chose when we were joking around) and then after we married a player proposed I should call myself Queen Pea. That’s how I became QP.
My first clan was "the Royals" (which I founded) - as somebody might remember. Due to a lack of time, I handed it over to X-Wing and he redesigned the clan and made it "the Royal Fianna Fail". After some time with the Royal Fianna Fail, Bicco created a new clan and I chose to follow him to the Red Branch Knights which then got dissolved.

9. Do you like WOK4 or WOK5 better? Why? Do you like the X-games?

I like both and I already tried my luck in one X-game - but had a bad starting position.

10. Would you like to make any other comments regarding any of the players, or the game of WOK itself?

Since I’m a curious person, I would like to meet you all in person.


An Encounter with Dyana

“She cuts you hard, she cuts you deep,
She's got so much skill.
She's so fascinating that you're still there waiting
When she comes back for the kill.
You've been slashed in the face.
You've been left there to bleed.
You want to run away,
But you know you're gonna stay,
'Cause she gives you what you need.
Then she says she wants affection,
While she searches for the vein.
She's so good with her stiletto,
You don't really mind the pain.

--- Billy Joel, “Stiletto”

1. Where are you from, what are your interests, are you interested in other types of
games, and why?

Canada. No compelling interests. I like strategy civilization games because I find them more interesting than those arcade/shooting games. I used to play in a mud or moo or mush or whatever and had a non-fighting character. Typing 'kill', 'attack', 'hit' repeatedly was disturbing to me.

2. What is your educational background? What is your work/business background?

I'm uneducated and have no money. :)

3. How did you come to WOK? Did you introduce anyone to WOK? Do you plan on becoming
a GM one day?

I answered an ad on one of those PBEM sites, probably GM Nick's. I tried to introduce others but only one person has joined that I know of. I'd like to become a GM but it'll be a while before that happens.

4. Are you pleased with the way WOK has evolved? Where do you see it going? Where would
you like it to go?

Yes. Wherever Al wants it to go. :) I feel that it is Al's creation and it was his ideas and his hard work that made it available. So, ultimately, I don't feel that my opinion really matters on this. :)

5. How would you describe yourself as an individual? How would you describe yourself as a

As a player, I make things up as I go along. I probably handle things the same way in real life and deal with things as they happen.

6. How do you feel about being one of the only females in WOK? Do fellow players treat you
any differently because of this? Do you think there is any type of gender bias in WOK?

It doesn't matter to me that I'm one of the few women in WOK. Though I will admit that if I hadn't seen Queen Pea listed on one of the pages, I probably wouldn't have joined. In game playing, I don't think there's any gender bias. There may be initial reservations or prejudices (both 'negative' and 'positive') about having a female player in the game, but I think most people overcome that with time.

7. Why "Dyana"? Why did you join the Balance of Time? What affiliation did you have before

When I first started playing Archmage, I wanted to be a Verdant mage which was all about nature, etc. So, Dyana was a green-themed name that I came up with on the spot and have used for a few years now. I joined BoT because Nick mentioned that Massielita was forming a new clan and I could help out by joining. I tried to help King Tater's and The Royals’ clan before as well, but most of the time I was a mercenary. I found being a mercenary quite enjoyable, because it was the most challenging amidst all the clan memberships. Now, I think it is a neutral 'thing' since some clans (and some players) can develop a 'good' or 'bad' reputation that can be as detrimental as having no clanmate in the game.

8. Do you like WOK4 or WOK5 better? Why? Do you like the X-games?

WOK5 because it's more complicated. Bleep one factor and you could possibly bleep them all. The X-games are a great addition to WOK. I haven't played any yet but I think they are just the thing to keep long term WOK players interested in the game.

9. Would you like to make any other comments regarding any of the players, or the game of
WOK itself?

Only that it's nice to see people from all over the world get together and attack/spy/bomb each other and still come out of it as friends. ;)


An Encounter with Tomb Raider

“Heav’n has no rage, like love to hatred turn’d,
Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn’d.”

---William Congreve, “The Mourning Bride”



I am sure many of you have been following the Clan War between Circle of Nine and Tuatha de Dannan. Well, I am proud to present an inside view of the War from Tuatha’s clan head, Kaiser Mojie.……….…

A View from the Front Lines
By: Kaiser Mojie

“Who are these strangers
Who pass through the door,
Who cover your action
And go you one more?
If you're feeling lucky,
You best not refuse.
It's your game, the rules
Are your own, win or lose.”

---Steely Dan, “Your Gold Teeth II”

Pre Turn 1
Nov 3rd
General aim for turn one is to have the CoN advanced players surrounded. We want to have all our players within striking distance of Calidus and Hegemon. Eagle Eyes will move up south of Hegemon. I will move to border Hegemon’s home province. Heir Squire will try and block Calidus in the North by taking P31. Festuco will take three provinces west of Calidus’s home province. The Dane will take neutrals on the north-western islands, but move all his armies and workers back to his home province.

Post Turn 1
Nov 5th
DISASTER!! CoN have taken maximum neutral provinces and stopped two of us in our tracks. Every little skirmish on the map went the way of Calidus’ men. Festuco was the only one of us to secure maximum provinces. Hegemon blocked me on my home province. I now only have 21 armies and 24 workers. Calidus moved through Squire and on south to stop Eagle Eyes from advancing. This move split Squire’s empire and succeeded in stopping Eagle. The Dane took 3 neutrals only to have Blind IO take one of them. He is now undefended to an attack from Blind IO next turn.

Nov 6th
Worst still. Festuco has made a mistake on his orders. Instead of changing pop to arm, he changed pop to wok and vice versa. He now has a good deal of workers. Things are not looking good at the moment. Also The Dane goes before Blind IO in the OoP. This means he cannot counter-attack him.

Pre Turn 2
Nov 8th
We need a miracle. I am hoping Hegemon takes a couple of neutrals close to his empire. If I can take one of them without any conflict, I could take his home province and another. This would give me an advantage on him next turn. I could use his own missiles on him. The Dane is going to stay were he is and have a skirmish with Blind IO. Squire will try and take a couple of provinces from Calidus. Festuco will try and secure a couple of neutrals. Eagle Eyes goes after Nestalawe and reckons he will be defeated. If not, he will try and survive.

Post Turn 2
Nov 14th
Were BACK!! Better turn this time. I have got the better of Hegemon. I took three provinces from him including his home province. It had a nice supply of missiles and workers. Going by Wayne’s report, Squire and Festuco have ran into each other, but they have reduced Calidus to two provinces. Eagle has been eliminated as expected. There are now only four of us, but we have a chance to finish off their 2 advanced players.

Nov 15th
We are bracing ourselves for a big attack from Nemesis. He seems to be in a good position to hit us hard. Both Festuco and Squire could be crippled if he gets it right. The Dane and myself are working out a plan for Hegemon. He must have the majority of his armies in P48. We both have missiles in range of this province, so we should do a lot of damage, then our armies should finish them off. I don’t know if Squire should go for Calidus or Nemesis. We will see.

Pre Turn 3
Nov 16th
We have a plan. The Dane and I are confident we will finish Hegemon. We have about 30 armies in position to bomb P48 and the Dane’s armies will take P44 and then finish P48. I don’t think he has any other armies, so I will take his other two provinces and the neutral P2 in order to make a move on either Nestalawe or Calidus next turn. I am also moving half of my armies into a province and getting the workers to build level on them. The Dane will try and spy Blind IO’s player data this turn. Festuco will sit tight, or maybe take a neutral. Squire will drive through Calidus and then onto Nestalawe. Only Nemesis can do us harm this turn.

Post Turn 3
Nov 19th
The two main aims of the turn were successful!! The Dane took Hegemon’s last stronghold and I took his remaining provinces. The Dane also managed to spy Blind IO’s data. This puts Blind IO in a bad position and with Squire moving first, we should effectively put him out of commission. He can’t save himself, but Nemesis can take his main provinces back from Squire. Either way, Blind IO will be defeated. Our only problem is whether P31 is empty or not. We need it to be. I am in a great position to hurt Nestalawe, although I now believe he is using the sleeping giant tactic. I really must put a stop to that. We also think that Calidus has spread his resources too thin, thus weakening him. This battle is not over yet.

Pre Turn 4
Nov 22nd
Well we have a little chance now. We have Blind IO’s data and have two players in position to do something about it. The Dane will let Blind IO attack him and then retake all the provinces. We need Nemesis to have nothing in P31. Festuco will bomb P31 and try and clear away a few armies if there is any for Hier Squire to attack Blind IO. Festuco has no armies left after the last couple of turns, Nemesis destroyed them. I have missiles and armies in P2. I will bomb P1 and move through and attack Calidus. I am undecided as to whether I should bomb P5, but I think his armies are in P7!! Need some luck this turn.

Post Turn 4
Dec 1st
There is now not much chance of a win for us in this battle now. We will try and kill a couple of their players and if they only win by 2VP’s I will be happy. This turn has us right on the back foot. They know more or less what I have, through spying. This dropped my EFF to 80%. I took P1 without a hitch, but then ran into 20 armies in P5. If I had just used my 14 missiles on P5, we would be rid of Calidus and I could concentrate on Nestalawe. The Dane successfully retook his provinces against Blind IO; maybe he could still win that battle. Nemesis has finished off Hier Squire. He had more than enough armies in P31 to deal with him. Festuco lost his main province, so he is effectively out of it. There are now two of us and they know exactly what I have. I want to take one more with me, before I go out.

Pre Turn 5
Dec 5th
Not a real lot we can do here. I have armies in P1, but I expect them to be bombed to crap. If I can clear a way through to P8 and take it, I might have a little chance. I am going to attack Nestalawe’s P3, P4 and then take P8 and hopefully keep it. This will give me a lot of missiles for next turn. I also have to change my workers in P47 back to level. They will soon be called into action. Nemesis is the thorn in our side and he is sure to make a move this turn. The Dane will start a guerrilla war with Blind IO. I think I could be smashed this turn and it will soon be over. We did better over two of the four turns and are still getting hammered. What do we need to do?

Post Turn 5
Dec 10th
Well not exactly what I expected, but Nestalawe smashed through my provinces and left me with nothing. I am now out of the game. Looking at the map, The Dane has attacked deep into Blind IO's land and might still be able to do some damage. Festuco is still alive.

Dec 12th
It is worse than I feared. The Dane has one army left and a few missiles and Festuco has 4 armies and even less missiles.

Pre Turn 6
Dec 14th
We think that Blind IO has no more armies, so his provinces can be taken. Our last mission is to try and finish him off. If he guesses right with his missiles, we are beat, but we will not surrender while there is a little chance.

Post Turn 6
Dec 17th
Tuatha de Dannan has failed in its attempt to vanquish the Circle of Nine, but our day will come. Nestalawe finished me off and Nemesis finished The Dane. Festuco has one army left.

We were too aggressive. I really wanted to finish Calidus off while he was weak, but after getting rid of Hegemon, we should have secured the north. My moving down south spread the Tuathan warriors too thin when we should really have been defending from them instead of attacking. We learned a lot and had a couple of good turns, but we really should have let them attack us for a bit and let our armies build up their level. Till the next time.

Editor’s Note: Next issue: Calidus gives his view from the CoN side!


Egbert’s Puzzler
By: Egbert

“Oompa loompa doompety doo.
I've got another puzzle for you.
Oompa loompa doompety dee.
If you are wise you'll listen to me.”

--- Oompa Loompa Song,
“Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory”

This issue’s Puzzler:

Look at the following sequence of letters: O T T F F S S E ?

What letter comes next in the sequence (where the question mark is)? Hint: It is a common sequence that we all know.

Solution to Last Issue’s Puzzler:

“Sisters and brothers --- I have none.
But THAT MAN’S father is my father’s son.”

Who is “THAT MAN?”

“That Man” is my (that is, the speaker’s) son. Look at it this way: Let’s say I am the speaker. I can point to my son, and say that man’s father (who is “me”!) is my father’s son (who is also “me”!). Get it?

Okay, everybody, now it’s time to stand up and sing!!!!!!!

By: Dameon

Calidus the Eternal Wanderer

(to the tune of “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer”)

Calidus, the eternal wanderer,
had a very restless soul.
And if you ever saw him,
you’d see he was on the road.
All of the other warriors
used to turn and walk away.
They never let poor Calidus
win in any Kao games
Then one foggy Battle’s Eve
Al came to say
“Calidus with your soul so bright,
won’t your form a clan tonight?”
Then all the warriors loved him
as they shouted out with glee
"Calidus the eternal wanderer,
you'll go down in history!"

Oh Rest Ye Merry Warriors
(to the tune of “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen”)
Oh rest ye merry warriors,
Who gather here today.
Remember that WOK 5
Is soon coming our way.
To save us all from sheer dumb luck,
This new game we shall play.
O tidings of battle and war,
Battle and war,
O tidings of battle and war!
From Al our genius programmer,
A glorious idea came.
He beckoned certain warriors
To come try out this game.
And so did the quest begin
To chop and kill and maim.
O tidings of battle and war,
Battle and war,
O tidings of battle and war!
The battles raged through day and night,
No verdict could be told
To decide if the new game
Was better than the old,
Until Al in his mighty wisdom said
“Welcome both now in our fold!”
O tidings of battle and war,
Battle and war,
O tidings of battle and war!

Egbert the Scholar
(to the tune of “Frosty the Snowman”)

Egbert the Scholar was a smart and studios soul,
With a wool cardigan and some glasses now,
It’s off to war he’d go.
Egbert the Scholar is a fearsome foe they say.
He likes to sleep and hide with books by his side
in wait of his next prey.
There must be some magic in those
books he carries high,
For when he opens them and reads a bit
opposing forces begin to die!
O Egbert the Scholar,
is fierce and hard to beat.
And the warriors say “Get out of the way!”
when he’s searching for fresh meat.
Thumpetty thump thump
thumpety thump thump
Look at Egbert go.
Thumpetty thump thump
thumpety thump thump
Over all his foes!

Dameon is Coming to War
(to the tune of “Santa Claus is Coming to Town”)

Oh! You better watch out,
you better not lie,
you better not cheat,
I'm telling you why:
Dameon is coming to war!
He's making some lists,
Posting them high.
Gonna find out who lives and who dies.
Dameon is coming to war!
He sees you when you're cheating.
He knows when you're astray.
He knows if you break your word at all,
So make sure you keep the faith!
So...You better watch out, You better not lie
You better not cheat, I'm telling you why.
Dameon is coming to war!


‘Twas the Night Before the Champs
By: Egbert

(with apologies to Major Henry Livingston Jr., and Dr.Seuss)

‘Twas the night before the Champs, and all through our World,
No players were fighting, no flag was unfurled.
Wayne and Nick made the maps, two lists of names were achieved,
While all the players hoped turn #00 would soon be received.

The players were nestled all snug at their computers,
While normal people were shopping, or going to Hooters.
You see, these players were obsessive --- so obsessive it seems,
That visions of starting positions danced in their dreams.

Egbert and Lardmaster were going over each name,
Wondering how only 2 Scholars wound up in their game.
“I don’t understand it,” the Great Egbert whined.
“We have more VPs than all other clans combined!”

“Well, Coolant is hosting,” Lardmaster replied.
And Count Henri knows only WOK4 --- not WOK5.”
“Well get ready,” said Egbert, “to deal with the usual bull,
Because with 2 Ar-Seregs, we’ll have our hands full.”

Lardmaster looked at the names, and studied them well.
Then he read them out loud, as if chanting a spell:
“We have Underdog, Jadg, Calidus, and Yarosund,
Massielita, Bjorn, Dark Monk, and Dameon.”

Meanwhile, in Chicago, Dameon was laughing,
He was already emailing people for NAP-ing.
“Those Scholars will never expect,” the Ar-Sereg grinned,
That I’ll have this thing won before it even begins!”

The Circle of Nine was also meeting that night,
Bragging that they couldn’t possibly lose this big fight.
“One of us 3 will win,” Calidus said with a smirk,
“When players attack the Prominent Ones, that’s when we’ll go to work!”

“Yes,” agreed Underdog, “That’s a nice plan.”
“We’ll say, ‘Eg, Nick, or Massi --- now THERE’S your man!’”
Bjorn said, “My low profile’s made me unknown --- and that’s fine!
That will make things even easier for the Circle of Nine!”

Time zones were a problem, Yarosund quickly discerned,
“Here, it’s already tomorrow,” said Massi, “So where is my turn?”
Massi was explaining to Yaro his best strategy.
“Lately, suicide attacks have worked best for me.”

Dark Monk was busy as usual, doing other things WOK.
Even to Queen Pea, he had no time to talk.
He sees an email from Jadg, and finally remembers the name.
Then looks at Wayne’s website: “Eh, am I in this game?”

The same thing was happening with the Vice-Champs of WOK4,
With the players all scheming --- and then scheming some more.
Nestalawe, Coolant, Count H., Tristao, Lord Fredo,
Undertaker, Queen Pea, Allister, Mojie and Carlow.

The stage was all set, and at a quarter past two,
The hosts prepared the reports without further adieu.
Did they spy a sleigh in the sky, at a quarter to three?
They both rubbed their eyes. “Nah --- couldn’t be.”

Then from each player’s computer there arose such a wail,
They rushed to see what was the matter, and heard “You’ve got mail!”
And they read at the top of each report, a message, red and bright:
“Happy Holidays to All --- and to All, a Good Fight!”


“Hope you got your things together.
Hope you are quite prepared to die.
Looks like we're in for nasty weather.
One eye is taken for an eye.
Don't go ‘round tonight,
Well, it's bound to take your life,
There's a bad moon on the rise.”

---Credence Clearwater Revival
“Bad Moon Rising”

Copyright 2001 by Egbert. Not to be redistributed without the express written consent of 3 Kaomaris women (but only at certain times of the month). All rights reserved. Do not bend, stamp, muilate, or fold. Now get back to work!
First one here, last one to leave.

User avatar
Posts: 185
Joined: Tue Sep 03, 2002 7:00 am
Location: West Bromwich, England - Member of CoN

Post by Nemesis » Tue Aug 28, 2007 9:56 pm

The Clan War between Tuatha and CoN was awesome! I think each side had 3 beginners and two advanced players.

I remember that because of my position on the map it was decided that I would sleep and then be extremely useful later in the game. But due to our good start the opportunity arose for me to launch an attack with no one being able to fend me off, with them already in their own individual battles.

Post Reply