The Jokes thread

Everything non-WOK related should go in here.

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gm_al
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The Jokes thread

Post by gm_al » Thu Jan 16, 2003 9:10 pm

Put your latest jokes in here - after all we are always looking to have fun, no ?

Here is the latest I got through email:

President George Bush is visiting an elementary school today and he visits one of the classes.
They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.
The teacher asks the President if he would like to lead the class in the discussion of the word, "tragedy."
So the illustrious leader asks the class for an example of a "tragedy." One little boy stands up and offers, "If my best friend, who lives next door, is playing in the street and a car comes along and runs him over, that would be a tragedy." "No," says Bush, "that would be an ACCIDENT."
A little girl raises her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved, that would be a tragedy." "I'm afraid not," explains Mr. President. "That's what we would call a GREAT LOSS."
The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. President Bush searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?" Finally, way in the back of the room, a small boy raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says, "If Air Force One, carrying Mr. & Mrs. Bush, were struck by a missile and blown up to smithereens, by a terrorist like Osama bin Laden, that would be a tragedy."
"Fantastic," exclaims Bush, "that's right. And can you tell me WHY that would be a TRAGEDY?"

"Well," says the boy, "because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly
wouldn't be a great loss."

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Post by Bjorn » Thu Jan 16, 2003 9:23 pm

I fail to see the humor.
"We do not stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing" - Oliver Wendell Holmes

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Post by TBert » Fri Jan 17, 2003 2:26 am

HAAAHAAHAA!
Last edited by TBert on Sat Jan 18, 2003 10:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Post by SmashFace » Fri Jan 17, 2003 3:27 am

SF finds no humor in the joke
God of WOK

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What else is a joke good for?

Post by Kiesta » Fri Jan 17, 2003 8:41 am

:biglaugh:
*starts wondering when he's going to get shot*
-----------------
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Post by gm_al » Fri Jan 17, 2003 9:33 am

Ummm... didnt mean to hurt anyones feelings.... just JOKES.

TEACHER: Why are you late?
L-JOHNY: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
L-JOHNY: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER: Johny, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
L-JOHNY: You told me to do it without using tables!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER: Johny, how do you spell "crocodile"?
L-JOHNY: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
L-JOHNY: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
L-JOHNY: "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
L-JOHNY: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, Johny, who discovered America?
L-JOHNY: George!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER: Johny, name one important thing we have today that we
didn't have ten years ago.
L-JOHNY: Me!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER: Johny, why do you always get so dirty?
L-JOHNY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
L-JOHNY: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me To write?
L-JOHNY: Your name on this report card.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
L-JOHNY: Don't bite any.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER: Johny, give me a sentence starting with "I".
L-JOHNY: I is...
TEACHER: No, Johny. Always say, "I am."
L-JOHNY: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
L-Johnny : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday
sametime."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's
Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his
father didn't punish him?"
L-Johnny : "Because George still had the axe in his hand."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
L-Johnny : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father : No. Why do you ask that?
L-Johnny : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Teacher : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is
green and one is blue with red spots!
L-Johnny: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the
same at home.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and
stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
L-Johnny: Brotherly love.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Teacher: Now, Johny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before
eating?
L-Johnny : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Teacher: Johny, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the
same as your brother's. Did u copy his?
L-Johnny: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when
people are no longer interested?
L-Johnny : A teacher

:lol:

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Post by Lord Fredo » Fri Jan 17, 2003 2:58 pm

:lol: LF succeeds in seeing the humor in it all

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Post by Dameon » Fri Jan 17, 2003 3:24 pm

OK well -I- certainly saw the humor in your Bush joke Al. Feel free to post more like that one, it was very funny. :D
"A Knight is sworn to valor, his heart knows only virtue, his blade defends the helpless, his might upholds the weak, his word speaks only truth, his wrath outdoes the wicked."

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Post by korexus » Sat Jan 18, 2003 12:55 am

TBert wrote:HAAAHAAHAAA

But yeah, Bush isn't actually as wrong as you all think.

This coming from an Intel Analyst with a Top Secret clearance.



I see the humour, but then, being Brit I'm a bit removed from everything. However, even an "innocent civilian" like me has to wonder what the media isn't saying. Compare the news in Britain with the news in the US sometime, the differences are quite interesting and this without the Top Secret clearance :wink: ...
With Great Power comes Great Irritability

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Post by Lord Fredo » Sat Jan 18, 2003 10:25 am

:D Good one Baron!

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Post by TBert » Sat Jan 18, 2003 11:02 pm

BOOOO TEXAS!!

Yeah, stuck in Texas where you can see the beautiful....emptiness...for miles. There's nothing here. Flat shrimpy little trees and brown grass. We've done PT on the biggest hill on the base, and it's a little mound maybe 6 feet high. I walked out of the plane from Milwaukee to Dallas, and it seemed every dangnabbit person had a cowboy hat on.

Alright, enough ripping on Texas. I'm 2 weeks through my 5-month....vacation....here.

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Post by Underdog » Mon Jan 20, 2003 3:44 am

So BR how did you like the games?
I assume (no comments about that please) you were watching them since I saw that commercial about 5 times during them.
There's no need to fear...........
Underdog is here

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Post by Count Henri » Tue Jan 21, 2003 12:59 am

Baron Roland wrote:The best joke I heard all day...

The Libyans have been elected to the Chair of the U.N.'s Human Rights Commission!

Oh, wait they weren't joking. Libya, where they take you out and execute you before the trial, then have a mock trial on your behalf? Libya who encouraged, sheltered, and paid the terrorist who blew up the flight over Lockerbie, Scottland?


Ummm at the risk of being :flamer: I will say that Libya has improved considerably over the last few years. Gaddaffi has his own problems with Extremists and is looking to the West for help which means he has had to start reforming things. Unfortunately much like with Iran, the US is not prepared to do anything...

Iran has stopped a veritable flood of cheap herion reaching Europe and the US from Afghanistan at the cost of many lives. The only country who has helped them has been Australia with Federal Polic officers training Iranian Police and risking death in the process...

For their trouble they are labelled an "Evil" country...

To my mind the greatest terrorist act in modern history is still the fire-bombing of Dresden in WW2. Good things the Germans don't hold a grudge eh...
"He who has relied least on fortune is established the strongest."
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Post by gm_al » Tue Jan 21, 2003 9:42 am

STOP GUYS.

This is a JOKE thread.... remember ??

Quite a leap from jokes to Bomber Harris.

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Post by SmashFace » Fri Feb 07, 2003 8:49 pm

hmm we need some good new jokes.. anybody anybody... hmm maybe Duke could post a link to the site so everybody can download the songs by TBert :lol:

speaking of him.. anybody got any good TBert jokes? :twisted:
God of WOK

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